So Close
by Kage Kitsune
Summary: A one shot for a contest, first one shot ever so this may be weird. Might go about writing this out into actual chapters. Anyway, Kurama's depressed over everyone going their own ways. He wants to tell Hiei how he feels before they all go, but can't. Warning, shonen ai. gay, slash whatever. Kurama/Hiei Hiei/Kurama don't like, don't read.


Warnings, shonen ai, slash, gay, whatever you wish to call it. No actual sexual scenes take place, just wanting feelings and kissing. Also some violence, but that's thanks to the bad guy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone within the Yu Yu Hakusho world, which is probably a good thing in the long run.

Extra warning: This is my first one shot ever…sorry if it seems weird. I'm used to do chapter stories so this was actually quite the challenge for me and seems kind of rushed…but I didn't want it to go too long and then suddenly cut off either. Contest required a short story though so…here's my attempt.

So Close

The letter or rather the invitation lied discarded on the desk near Kurama's window. The red head was staring out of it trying to decide what his next move should be. The invitation had been hand delivered by Yusuke the other day. A get together for everyone who'd been involved in the spirit detective's life before they all went their separate ways. Or rather, before Kuwabara and Kurama went off to college in an attempt to leave everything they knew behind.

Kuwabara was just going to the local university to study earth science, but Kurama had applied himself to the farthest college he could without actually leaving Japan, though it wasn't like he hadn't thought about leaving. It wasn't that he didn't want to stay, but the pain of remaining was too much for him to handle. He was once again going to have to say goodbye to the few people he trusted in the human realm, worse. He was going to have to say goodbye to Hiei.

Movement outside of his window sent his attention to a nearby tree. One glance at his garden below told him it wasn't an intruder. Had it been the person or thing in question would be screaming in agony as his flowers consumed them. A sniff of the air told him exactly what was going on, Hiei had shown up, no doubt instructed to retrieve him. He was after all a good hour or so late for the little party.

"You could have at least answered your phone," Hiei spat. He was standing in the tree now, Kurama smiling despite himself. Yes, the short, but muscular fire demon, the ruby eyes, that midnight spiky hair. His own red locks, green eyes and body hardly compared as far as he was concerned. How many nights he'd lost sleep trying to overcome his desires for his partner only to realize nothing of the sort would happen, exactly why he had to leave and move on.

"Was that Yusuke calling?" he asked innocently. Of course they both knew it had been. Hiei shot him a glare before landing on the fox demon's windowsill. He craned his neck taking in the room before slipping one foot down onto the floor followed by the other. Despite seeing this fluid movement so many times before Kurama felt his heart skip a beat.

Why did he want the fire demon, of all things so desperately? He could easily have anyone else. There were demons and humans alike who threw themselves at him. They begged him for dates, to mate, for everything and yet he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd even forsaken Yomi so he could return to the human world in hopes of not running into Hiei so much. After leaving though the fire demon had simply left Mukuro and started staying with Genkai. Hiei had never told him why.

He took another slow breath. It had taken every bit of self-control to not give in and merely consume the demon the last time he'd seen him. In fact, that was why Kurama had steered clear of the meeting, he no longer trusted himself to remain in control of himself. Even if he could manage to keep himself from ripping Hiei's clothes off, he couldn't be sure he wouldn't break down in front of him and beg him to be his mate.

"Why are you not at Genkai's? I would expect this from that fool , but not you."

"Do I need a reason? It's just a small let together." He jerked his head forcefully away from the incriminating stare and started towards his closet. Anything to keep himself busy so he could buy some time to form a proper excuse as he really didn't think any of them would confront him for not showing up. "Why aren't you there?"

"Because I was sent to get you," the fire demon snarled.

The tone alone made Kurama twitch, the words an added stab to his mental state. He turned back to the demon his arms folded across his chest now as he fixed his own glare on Hiei. The look alone seemed enough; Hiei looked away and climbed onto Kurama's bed. Not really the result Kurama had wanted.

"I understand why you are angry with me," he said doing his best to remain calm.

"Because you didn't show up and those fools were worried. I'm the fastest, it was my job—"

"To track me down?" Kurama asked raising an eyebrow. "It's Yusuke's party. I don't need to be there." Who was he kidding? Hiei was here, because he'd been selfish enough to not show up or answer the phone. Had he simply lied and said he was busy, Hiei wouldn't had been forced to come all the way to his house to make sure he was still alive. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "Tell the others I'm sick."

"You're not."

"Does it matter? Tell them I'm studying, that's not a lie," he motioned to the books he had opened on his desk beside the invitation.

"You don't need to study," the fire demon pointed out.

"I don't need to go to this party either."

"You're bored."

It took everything Kurama had to not scream. Bored? Bored was the last thing going through his head at the moment. He wasn't bored, he was stressed and heart broken. He was alarmed at how much he wanted Hiei and how much he'd realized lately that he didn't deserve him.

"Yes, I'm bored."

"Well if it's not worth your time, it's definitely not worth mine." The demon laid back on the bed, his arms behind his head. "You did something to this place. It smells."

The fox demon's mouth twitched as he watched the scene roll out before him. What was it going to take to get rid of Hiei? Did he really have to go to some foolish party that in all honesty was probably just a sad excuse for Yusuke to get drunk? By the looks of it all though it seemed that was exactly what it was going to take.

"Alright! Alright! I'll go," he growled walking to his desk and slamming all the books shut. "If I fail the entrance exam I'm going to blame all of you!" He turned on Hiei then waiting for him to get out of his bed. "And the walls had to be painted, that's what you smell."

"You were already accepted to that college," the fire demon said quietly. That put Kurama back. How in the world did Hiei know? He hadn't even told his mother he'd gotten in yet. He must have looked very confused, because Hiei started laughing as he sat up. "I read your mail."

"That is against the law," Kurama said instantly. Like Hiei was worried about any laws though, the smirk, his fangs slightly showing over his bottom lips saying exactly what was going through Kurama's mind. Despite his wishes the fox demon shuddered. "Let me explain something my dear partner." He leaned against his desk, because he knew if he got any closer he would be taking Hiei right there. "You are making it very hard for me to not throw you out the window right now."

"Are you sure you want to throw me out?" the fire demon asked. "You look like you'd rather thrown me down—"

"Are you trying to manipulate me?" Kurama asked horrified. He looked over Hiei trying to get a better idea of what was going on. The fire demon looked somewhat different to him, but nothing extreme. The energy signature and scent were dead on, it wasn't an imposter. Hiei was well known for just killing however, not manipulating, that was Kurama's forte.

"You've lost your mind," Hiei snorted. His features were wiped clean of any emotion and he was near the window again. "Are you coming or not?"

Kurama allowed himself a moment his eyes closing and opening as he tried to register what exactly had just happened. Hadn't Hiei just been on his bed taunting him? The sudden movement wasn't what bothered the fox demon though; it was the rash change in attitude.

"Of course." He fixed a smile onto his face and pushed his window wide open. No reason to go out the front, the window would do just fine. "How long is this party anyway?"

"Ask those fools when we get there." Hiei was speeding off then leaving Kurama behind as he always did. Of course Kurama could come close to keeping up if he really wanted to, but why bother?

He climbed onto the windowsill and jumped onto the ground, an effortless move even in his human form. Even though he was basically being ordered to go to Genkai's didn't mean he was going to behave. He was a fox demon after all and well known for his pranks and fun. He had not learned his lesson from nearly dying due to pranks all those years back.

So, instead of taking the straight way to Genkai's or even following after Hiei's energy signature he started walking down any random path he wanted. It was the middle of March and everything was starting to bud, quite a magical sight for a fox demon that specialized in plant magic.

He ended up touching almost every tree and running his hands over all the tree barks, his fingers gently touching the buds of the flowers, sometimes giving a few of them a small boost so he could see the plants in full bloom.

Seeing the trail of flowers he was leaving behind made him smile. There were so many scattered about, most of them different kinds and colors, it was beautiful. Even if he was slowly losing his sanity at least he was capable of creating such beauty still.

Even with his long detour he was still only a kilometer or so from Genkai's an hour later. He was sure the others knew he was coming; one look down the mountain from Genkai's house at the path of blooming trees and flowers was a dead giveaway to his location. He wasn't that interested in actually going though. Of course he'd get to see some of his friends again, but they weren't close ones. The people he had trusted the most, soon they would no longer be part of his life. The contract he'd formed with them would be up and that meant he'd be alone.

"Hiei found his sister, Yusuke's retiring, Kuwabara's going off to college, and mother has a new family…" he didn't quite see where he belonged anymore. All the years he'd worked together with everyone and they had all gained something or another from it, but Kurama had ended up alone as always.

He closed his eyes resting against the nearest tree. He was always being left behind. It had been a thought he'd wondered about since Yusuke had mentioned his retirement. The conclusions he'd come too had not been flattering, but a truth he had needed to face.

Reality had set in at that moment then. Kurama had come to face facts that he had no chance with Hiei. Hiei's world consisted of Yukina and nothing more. How desperate he'd been to get Hiei to look at him with the same love and concern he showed Yukina. He knew well enough once he'd had time to sit down and think about his situation that Hiei probably that he was more of an annoyance than a potential lover. Who was he anyway to want Hiei's affection? He'd taken advantage of so many people, used them, and allowed others to use him for his own purposes. He was a broken in his own right, even if his human form was clean.

Shaking his head he looked at the flowers popping up all around him. He didn't want to see Hiei anymore, he didn't want to be reminded of him, he wanted every single memory of his partner ripped from his mind and destroyed. This whole time he'd arrogantly thought that he'd had a chance with someone as innocent as Hiei, a demon whose whole life had been for his sister.

"I've been such a fool," he laughed. "What in the world was I thinking? So what if my human form has done nothing questionable, I'm still who I was." Forms meant nothing if the mind was the same. He was nothing more than a thief and a whore, worried about finding the next shiny object to steal, the best way to get whatever he wanted from others and move on to the next. Even his mother now, if he hadn't taken over the baby's body before a soul had been given to it…."Why am I even here?" The question surprised him at first, but it was the truth. He didn't deserve any of this. There was nothing left in the human world for him he really was too decayed for this realm. Yet he was still here, too worried to move from this realm to the next.

He wiped a few stray tears that'd managed to break through his barricade. Why should he be worried about what others thought? 'Because it does bother me,' he thought sadly. He was crying freely then. He'd been dreading this day for months. When Yusuke had brought up retiring so long ago Kurama hadn't given it much thought. When Koenma said that the entire team could go their separate ways, Kurama's purpose had vanished. The one thing he'd found a purpose in since his mother had remarried and gotten a family of her own, a real family. It seemed like he was always going to be the one left behind.

His tears had just started to subside when he felt a finger poked into his back.

"One wrong move and boom," the voice whispered into his ear. Kurama's entire body froze then. Had he really lost his mind? Something wasn't right here, hadn't he finished it? "So scared, I heard your partner… no everyone decided you were no longer worth their time." Before the speaker could finish he began laughing. "How wonderful! You work so hard to do the right thing and they still decide to throw you out." The free hand from the man came around Kurama's waist holding him tightly. "Remember, no running."

"How did you get here?"

"No one is watching you right now. In fact, Koenma no longer sees you as any kind of threat. It was so easy to get to you, especially since those nasty little flowers were are back in your yard."

"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Kurama screamed turning. He brought his left hand forward so he could push up and launch himself forward, his right hand going up to his hair, but he could no longer move after that.

"I knew you wouldn't listen, but that's alright you know how much I love a challenge. You do too, don't you?" he asked. "The reason you tried to hate me so much. It had nothing to do with what I had done; it was only because I remind you of yourself."

"Shut up."

"That lovely blood colored hair of yours." He moved his hand up to grab Kurama's hair and tug on it tightly. "So lovely and smells just as dangerously sweet as you are."

"Let go of me," Kurama warned, but he knew at the same time it was a hollow threat. There was no way he would be able to defend himself in this situation. If he tried to fight, he could easily end up dead from the sudden movements.

"But Kurama, you're going to come with me. Since your 'friends' went and killed mine, I'm in need of a new partner. I've been watching you, you know. I didn't have a way to get to you until now. You need a new partner too right? There's no way that fire demon could ever be enough for someone like you."

"You're nothing but scum," Kurama spat.

"So you'll run off to a goat demon who only wants you for your body, but you reject me who wants all of you?"

"Don't make me laugh. You just need someone with a brain to guide you." An explosion went off directly beside Kurama's arm taking off a good deal of flesh. Screaming at the sudden shock he went down face first into the dirt since he'd been using that arm to steady himself.

"That fire suits you, but using it against me will get you nowhere. Resist and I'll injury your legs and carry you away.

Kurama refused to give in to the new tears trying to come. He managed to remain calm and got his breathing under control and even to fix the demon with a glare before another explosion went off, this one only close so it burned some of his neck.

"I knew something was wrong."

Kurama slowly turned his head towards the source, just what he needed, another person sneaking up on him. To his relief though it was Yusuke this time, not that that meant he was safe. He was glad to see Genkai, Kuwabara, Jin, Touya, and even Hiei come forward a few seconds later, all of them looking rather displeased.

"Karasu," Hiei growled his hand dropping to his sword.

"Wait," Yusuke warned them thankfully. Kurama knew he was surrounded by the mini bombs that Karasu was famous for making. It was one thing to endure burns though, another completely to have one blow up directly in front of your heart, which is where Karasu had latched one onto. "Let him go Karasu."

"This doesn't concern you," Karasu said his arm going around Kurama's shoulder. "Once trash is thrown out it belongs to anyone who wishes to claim it."

"What in the hell are you talking about?" Yusuke demanded.

"Kurama's in desperate need of a partner and has fallen into the human trap of wanting a mate. I can easily fill those two requirements," the crow demon explained. "Just carry on with your gathering." He leaned his head against Kurama's own. "We deserve some time alone to enjoy our new engagement."

"I never said I would join you." The words came, another bomb, this one by his leg went off. The pain was enough to drive him mad, but he refused to scream again.

"Isn't he fun?"

The others were on Karasu instantly despite the threat of Kurama's heart being blown up. He could barely see what was going on, he heard screaming, a sword being drawn, more explosions. His ears were half ringing though and with all the blood flowing from his body he wasn't feeling quite right. He did notice Touya beside him, the ice demon screaming something at him and noticed that he was beginning to feel rather cold. His eyes felt heavy, so much so that when he blinked it took him moments to get them to reopen. Touya had left and he was staring at the tree he'd been sitting by.

Somehow he managed to sit up and despite the dizziness that ensured he noticed a small aqua haired girl running towards him. Had she not been looking at him and wearing a bright blue kimono he probably wouldn't have noticed her at all, but for whatever reason there was Yukina coming towards him. It probably took only a few seconds, but Kurama saw Karasu coming, saw Hiei right behind. The crow demon grabbed the female ice demon, Hiei's sword now somehow within Karasu's hand.

He didn't think, there was no time for that. How many times had Kurama let his partners down? Kuroune had died. He'd abandoned Yomi. He'd been completely useless to Hiei. It was only these thoughts going through his mind as he somehow ran forward and tackled Karasu to the ground. The crow demon of course let go of Yukina, but the sword had already been up and aimed, and now stood plunged into Kurama's back.

He saw Yukina looking at him from the side tears in her eyes, her hands by her mouth. He wasn't sure if he managed to smile or not at her, but he felt like smiling. He'd done something right for once. So what if he died? He'd been too much of a coward to end his own life and now he could do it by saving Hiei's sister.

Whatever happened after that he wasn't aware of. He'd already lost his hearing some time back, he couldn't move, couldn't talk. Instead he welcomed the darkness. Koenma could fix things so his mother didn't remember. All he would have to worry about was walking that long winding road…

The ground felt softer now. Kurama managed to open his eyes and take in his surroundings. He was in an old Japanese style house and he noticed Botan standing in an adjoining room. He was lying on a futon with a blanket; at least he'd gotten that much after his death. He lifted his hand and couldn't help, but frown. Shouldn't he have reverted to his true form in death? His human form was no longer a part of his existence.

Movement had him turning, but the action made him groan and for the first time he realized he was actually in pain.

"Whoever heard of being in pain while dead?" he asked no one. Hearing his human voice annoyed him even more. He scowled at nothing and hit the side of his futon. The action hurt worse than moving his head and he pulled it towards his chest to rub it with his other hand.

"You're awake."

Kurama blinked a few times as he tried to piece everything together.

"What are you doing here Hiei? I didn't request to see you. Did Koenma send you to make sure I didn't attack and flee to another form?" he asked trying not to laugh. Like he was really going to try and go back to the world of the living.

"Did you hit your head when you were stabbed?" The fire demon snorted.

"No, but I know I lost a lot of blood. That blade went through me. I know I'm dead Hiei. I'm…at Genkai's," Kurama finished when he saw Yukina running into the room.

"Oh my goodness you're awake! I didn't think you'd wake up for another few days. Hiei, hold this!" She shoved a rag into Hiei's hand who merely stared at it while she bent down and started using her healing magic.

'Of course,' Kurama thought to himself angrily. 'That's why she was there, to heal me.'

"Tell me Karasu is dead for good this time."

"Someone on the inside had revived him," Hiei said sitting down beside Kurama. "Koenma took care of it."

"And thank you so much Kurama. I didn't think Karasu would pay any attention to me with everyone else running around—"

"And you're lucky Kurama did or you'd be dead right now!" Hiei screamed. It seemed this conversation had taken place a few times already, because Yukina went silent, but kept working. When she was done she muttered a quiet thank you and ran off without looking back once.

"Hiei, you shouldn't treat her—"

"You nearly died, because she ran out into the middle of battle!"

"I was dying before that," Kurama said smiling slightly. "Karasu was trying to immobilize me. Needless to say it was working."

"Damnit Kurama. If you'd just showed up you wouldn't have been jumped. And how in the world did he manage to come up behind you anyway?"

"I wasn't paying attention—"

"And how much energy did you waste turning half the mountain into a garden?"

"It doesn't matter," he said defensively. " Hiei you should go apologize to her. She's probably crying and I know you don't want her to be." He sat up then placing his fake smile on. "I know you were worried about her, but that doesn't mean you should scream at her. I'm sorry I got hurt and she came to heal me. Next time just leave me."

"What?" Hiei asked his body freezing.

"Hiei, we aren't spirit detectives anymore. You have your sister back. Technically our contract has ended."

"Is that why Karasu was there? You were making a new "contract" ?"

"No," Kurama growled. "I can't help I seem to be in high demand." He closed his eyes then lying back down on the futon, because his world was spinning around him. "Hiei, I'm glad she's safe. It would have been really stupid if she died after all the things you went through to find her."

"Did you put a rumor out in makai?" Hiei asked angrily. "Were you just going to run off with the highest bidder?"

"I was going to college," Kurama sighed. He wanted to yell, but he didn't have the energy. "I…" he almost broke down and told Hiei everything. Would it really matter if the fire demon knew he was madly in love with him? It was something the fox demon really didn't wish to tempt. "Go apologize to Yukina," he said finally. He needed to be alone before he broke down again. It was bad enough he'd cried once today, he didn't need to go through it again.

"What were you going to say first?"

"I just want to be left alone," he said quietly. "I'm too tired to worry about your family problems."

"Who said you should be?" Hiei growled. "It's none of your busin—"

"Exactly!" Kurama screamed. It hurt and he knew the second he did it that he shouldn't have, but it had already been done. "It's none of my business, so go deal with YOUR business," he snapped. He closed his eyes tightly wishing once again that Karasu had been merciful enough to kill him before being dragged back to the world of the dead himself. He knew the answer of course, Karasu had just been trying to mortally wound him so he could take him, not kill him. "I appreciate being saved. Now get out."

What seemed like minutes passed and suddenly Kurama felt small beads falling onto him. He opened his eyes to see what was going on, Hiei was kneeling beside him looking like he'd been slapped and then turned into stone. Kurama had never seen Hiei in this kind of state before, but it completely broke him.

"Damnit Hiei," he muttered. "What do you want from me? You're the one who told me you couldn't wait for our team to be disbanded! You're the one who said you planned on staying near Yukina for the rest of your life so you could watch her! What can you possibly need from someone as messed up as I am? Will you just leave so I can try and piece my life back together?"

"I don't want to leave….I wanted the team disbanded so I could ask you…."

Kurama's heart skipped a beat and his hand shot out before Hiei could try and run off. He knew that trick all too well. He pulled Hiei towards him, their faces inches apart.

"Let go of me," Hiei snarled, but the fox demon had already picked up on the underlying desperation under the words. Had he been too caught up in his own self-pity to notice it?

"Hiei, listen to me, listen," He growled, the fire demon tugging at his grip. "Will you, Please!" He managed to get Hiei pinned down to the futon beside him. "If you have something to tell me, then say it before I throw away everything and go back to Yomi."

"Yomi?" Kurama almost burst into laughter at the way the fire demon said the name. Hiei had managed to say it with both confusion and anger.

"Hiei…if you don't tell me to stay. If you don't tell me you need me, I'm not coming back," he said slowly to make sure he was aware of what he meant. He didn't want there to be any kind of confusion with this conversation. "If you don't want me, I have no where left to go, but to Yomi's."

"I thought you were going to college."

"…I can't," he admitted closing his eyes. "Hiei I'll say it first so please listen. For so long I've been in love with you. I've wanted so badly for you to claim me. You have no idea how happy I was when you told Karasu you would kill him at the dark tournament if he even thought about touching me." He opened his eyes to make sure Hiei was still there, he was, and started to laugh when he realized he was crying yet again. "After that day we worked together to get the three objects, I wanted you. I was so happy when Yusuke told me we were going after you, I knew if I could remain by your side I could get you to be mine…but the truth is I don't want you as mine. I want to be yours." He removed his arm then so Hiei could get up and looked away. "I'm sorry. I know you told me before you had no use for a mate. You have no idea how much self-control it's taken me to not ravage you. If you don't care for me the same way, Hiei I need you to leave. I need to be able to try and recover some of my sanity before I go back to Yomi's so I never have to see you again."

Kurama felt a hand on his shoulder, smaller than Karasu's but much stronger, far more comforting.

"I don't know what to say."

"As I thought," Kurama said trying to steel himself. If only he could get that cold feeling back before he'd passed out. "Not everyone's feelings can be returned, I understand that. So…please leave now."

"I'm not leaving, I just didn't expect it," Hiei said slowly. Kurama felt Hiei's body next to his then as he cuddled up beside him. "All I've heard is how hard it is to be your partner and how you're so choosey with your mates. I'm nothing special. My own mother didn't want me."

That was the last thing Kurama had expected. He looked down at Hiei his arms going around the fire demon before he realized what he was doing. Hiei didn't seem to mind though, looked as if he was completely used to this scenario.

"You were sneaking into my room at night," Kurama realized his eyes going slightly wide. He'd woken up a few times, not enough to really remember, but enough to know he'd been hugging something in his sleep. A few times he'd dreamt it was Hiei, those dreams however…

"A few times," the fire demon admitted his face turning red. "Or…every night."

There was nothing else to do then. Hiei had made his choice there was no way Kurama was going to let him take it back. The last thing he wanted was to scare the demon off, but he was still going to get something out of this whole mess. He pulled the demon down and their lips met. A spark went through Kurama's body, one he'd never experienced before. It was almost like he'd found a piece of himself that'd been missing and was magically reattaching itself. When their lips parted they were both red in the face.

"I'm sorry I was so blind," Kurama said wrapping his arms again around Hiei. He lied down beside him his energy slightly drained, not from stress or the kiss, but because he was no longer stressed. He felt like everything that had been trying to shove him into the ground was suddenly gone and he could breathe freely again. "I love you."

"I love you too," Hiei said burying his face in Kurama's chest.


End file.
